Nose scare

The back-and-forth in this kid's face is priceless!


(via Tastefully Offensive)

Craigslist ad: terrorist-proof bunk bed

I've posted a few wacky Craigslist ads recently, but they were all from the same poster. This one is from a new guy. You can thank my wife for finding this.


Here's the text:

Terrorist proof bunk bed - $300 (Ham Lake, MN)

Tired of looking at flimsy Ikea type bunk beds that threaten to collapse and kill your kids in the night? Are your "kids" really psycho-destruction machines bent on wrecking any furniture left in their room without adult supervision? Are you afraid you will be host to their evil for the rest of your life?

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!!!!

So I built hardened bunk beds to withstand the abuse that they were capable of. This unit is built of the finest 2x lumber, chain link posts and dock hardware the Home Depot had to offer. Glued, screwed and lag bolted together this is a matrix of strength only imagined by other bunk bed manufacturers. Once bolted to the wall, (YES, I SAID BOLTED TO THE WALL) this bed ain't going nowhere. In a severe weather situation I suggest seeking shelter under this behemoth.

Yes it is painted "Safety Yellow" but it could use a coat of paint (to hide the teeth marks) in any shade complimenting your decor.

NO MATTRESSES OR BEDDING INCLUDED!!!!!!! USES STANDARD TWIN MATTRESSES--- BOTTOMS OF BUNKS ARE SOLID OSB PLYWOOD, NO NEED FOR BOX SPRING OR FOUNDATION.

See more photos at http://s1210.photobucket.com/home/wrench1957/index

CALL TIM AT 763 516 0826

I thought it was ironic that he talked up how indestructible this was and then noted the teeth marks. I'm convinced that nothing is indestructible for a kid!

Good graffiti

I'm with the blue guy.


(via FailBlog)

Craigslist ad: patio furniture, sans Caps Lock

Remember those Craigslist ads from a few weeks ago?

Well, here's the last one, South Minneapolis funny man's ad #7:


Here's the text:

Patio Furniture - $50 (South Minneapolis)

Don't you hate when people type in all caps or use hundreds of thousands of exclamation points on their Craig's List posts?

Look- we get it...you're excited about selling your old crap. One man's trash is another man's treasure, we all know...that's why we're on here.

But even though this patio table rocks, you won't see me going crazy with the punctuation here.

And just because the umbrella is brand spanking new (hasn't even been rained on once) I'm sticking to my principles and typing all this in "Sentence case."

The table has a diameter of 40" and it is about 27" high.

E-mail me to come and get it. Thanks! (Did you notice there how one exclamation point does the same job of 468?)

Search " SOUTHSIDE " to read my other ads and buy the rest of my stuff. Thanks again!

Office Space desktop background

If you haven't seen Office Space, this won't mean anything to you. If you have, you know why this is my desktop background.


(via M thru F; download original file here)

Social media tutorial

In case this social media thing doesn't make sense to you...


(via Tastefully Offensive)

Global warming

This image comes to you in honor of Earth Day, which was 2 days ago.


(via Tastefully Offensive)

Craigslist ad: table & chairs, LIKE A BOSS!

Here's the South Minneapolis funny man's ad #6:


My favorite part is the last paragraph.

Here's the text:

Kitchen Table w/ 3 chairs - $25 (South Minneapolis)

I've got a lot of great memories of the meals I've eaten on this table and it'll be hard to say goodbye but like they say "If you love something, sell it on Craig's List for super cheap."

This table is not only excellent for eating off, but it is great for playing board games, doing arts and crafts projects or putting knickknacks and other things on top off. In all my time of doing any of these activities on it, I haven't had any problems. Just look at how those napkins sit on top of it! LIKE A BOSS!

One chair is a little wobbly but hey- it is only 25 bucks.

E-mail me to come on by and pick it up.

Search " SOUTHSIDE " to see all the other sweet stuff I have for sale.

Oh and the table is 42" diameter and about 29.5" high. So if your max height for a table is 29 inches, best keep on looking. Thanks.

Craigslist ad: sweet futon!

Here's the South Minneapolis funny man's ad #5:


Be sure to check out the photo at the bottom of his post with the dog in it.

Here's the full text of the ad:

Purple Futon Chair - $75 (South Minneapolis)

Whether it was your brother getting divorced, your kid failing out of art school or your best friend from high school following Phish around the country, they all say the same thing: "I just need a place to crash for a few days."

Let's examine that phrase for a moment: "A place to crash." How terrible is that? Crashes are horrible mistakes that usually result in pain, loss of property, death or all three. Why would we invite someone into our home that wants to do that to us?

They eat all the food, drink all the beer, mess up the guess bathroom towels and then leave. And yet, we'll invite them back in next time. But why???

Well, I have no idea- I'm no shrink. But on the bright side- here's a great futon for whenever the nomad you hold close your heart just needs "a place to crash."

It's 40" wide and when you fold it out, it's 81." It's got a hardly-used (thank God) purple pad, it's solid and heavy construction and there's a little storage bag/box thing underneath.

E-mail to come and get it. And search " SOUTHSIDE " to see my other great stuff for sell. Thanks!

Craigslist ad: a conversation

Here's the South Minneapolis funny man's ad #4:


Here's the text:

Big ole' Buffet - $100 (South Minneapolis)

YOU: I just realized I have a lot of "stuff" but I don't have anywhere to keep it all!

ME: Have you ever thought about a buffet? I've got a super sweet one for sale right here!

YOU: But I have a lot of little stuff like pens and pencils, forks and knives.

ME: Well, how does four drawers suit your fancy?

YOU: That works! But I have big stuff too!

ME: Problem solved! There's cabinets for big stuff too.

YOU: But what about my stuff I want to put out so other people can see?

ME: You mean like picture frames and knickknacks?

YOU: Duh.

ME: You can put all that stuff on top!

YOU: Wow! This hutch is so awesome. How big is it?

ME: It is 5 feet wide, 18" deep and 31" tall.

YOU: So...how can I buy it?

ME: Just e-mail me to set up an appointment.

YOU: Do you have any other awesome stuff for sale?

ME: I'm glad you asked! Search " SOUTHSIDE " to see my other stuff for sale.

YOU: Wow! You're a funny, attractive person!

ME: Takes one to know one, my friend.



And....scene.

Craigslist ad: chefs, magic, Communists

Here's the South Minneapolis funny man's ad #3:


Here's the text:

Magic Chef Microwave - $40 (South Minneapolis)

Do you like your food hot but don't have time to wait for water to boil or an oven to heat up? Well, this Magic Chef microwave is the answer!

Hey- who doesn't like chefs or magic! Communists- that's who! And you're not Communist, you're a capitalist who loves making taquitos in less than 30 seconds!

The model number is MCD990W which sounds pretty impressive right?

Right now this model is on sale around the globe for over $90 but I'll sell you it for less than half that! Plus I'll throw in the rotating plate that comes with it...for FREE!

Buy this puppy and you'll be burning the roof of your mouth with pizza (flavored) Hot Pockets in no time!

E-mail to set up a time to come and get it. Thanks!

Search for " SOUTHSIDE " to see other super awesome items I have for sale.

Craigslist ad: dreaming on a box spring

Thanks to the generosity of a friend with a flight voucher and my parents for coming down to watch our kids for the week, I'm sitting in a hotel in San Diego, where we'll be until Saturday.

While I'm gone I'll be posting more Craigslist ads from the same guy who delivered the bookcase post from last Thursday.

Here's the South Minneapolis Craigslist funny man's ad #2:


Here's the text:

Queen Box Spring - $1000000 (South Minneapolis)

We just moved and couldn't fit this box spring up our stairs- so now it is waiting for you in my office.

It's a Serta Perfect sleeper- queen sized.

I set the price at 1000000 because how can you put a price on the awesome dreams I've had on it? I've won the Roller Derby, rescued Scarlett Johansson from evil alien warlords and was named MVP in the Super Bowl of a sport I dreamed up called "RUMBLE BALL." If that isn't worth over a million bucks, I don't know what is.

But hey- I'm a realist- I would be willing to knock something off the price if you're willing to come and pick it up. How about does $20 sound? Hurry up, before I remember more super awesome dreams and change my mind.

Search " SOUTHSIDE " for more of my amazing deals. No you're not dreaming...yet.

I think this one is my favorite, but it's tough to decide. More to come throughout the week...

No photos on blogs...

Stupid can be funny.


(via)

Wii...Kinect...uMove?

If you like the Wii and now the Kinect - games that translate user movements to the screen - you'll love the uMove!


(via)

How to make your Craigslist sale more exciting

I've bought and sold a lot of stuff on Craigslist, but I've never seen an ad for an item - much less a bookcase - as funny as this one out of South Minneapolis that Jamie sent me today:


Here's the text in case you don't want to click through to the image:

Man, my friends used to think I was so dumb. I could hear them at parties, whispering "Oh, that dude- I bet the most he's ever read was the manual for Super Mario Kart on Wii"

Well, guess what, I bought this bookshelf, filled it full of my Cracked Magazines, Hardy Boys novels and Sky Mall catalogues and showed them! HA! HA!

By the next party, I could hear them say:

"Wow! Look at the size of his bookshelf!"

"I bet his brain is full of knowledge!"

"I was wrong about him, I suddenly find him smarter and much more attractive!"

But...alas, it won't fit in my new house! Oh, the horror!

So my loss is your gain. Buy my bookcase and show all the naysayers in your life that you just might know what the definition of "naysayer" is.

It's solid construction, cherry colored wood and is 3 feet wide by 6 feet tall.

Oh and search " SOUTHSIDE " to see the other stuff I have for sale. Thanks!

This guy's got other posts that are just as good, if not better. I just might have to dedicate a few more posts to them.

What you shouldn't do in class

At least his team seems to be winning.


(via)

Aaron Rodgers photobomb

Apparently Aaron Rodgers likes to sneak into pictures of his team's captains. You can find 3 years of pictures like this here.


(via)

The secret to replacing the TP

Jamie sent this to me a month and a half ago. She knew I'd want to post it here for the rest of you to see.

(Click the image to enlarge it or scroll below to read the text in the picture.)


Want to know the secret to replacing the TP?
When the paper is gone, tear off the cardboard tube, revealing the hidden spring. Pull spring back, slide on another roll, and reinsert.
Congratulations! Now you too know the secret of the silly "anti-theft" TP holders. If we thought you wanted to steal the paper, we wouldn't put extras on top of each tank! Happy roll replacing!

The definition of karma

This is what karma looks like.


(via)

After 14 months at sea...

...this is how it should be.

(via)