The news in brief

My mom told me that she'd only heard about the Israel-Lebanon snafu yesterday. She blames me for not keeping her informed. So, in the interest of my mom and anyone else who receives their news exclusively from Wide White, here's a run-down of what's been going on while I've been, well, not posting.

Israel is in Lebanon blowing out their brains 'cause Lebanon, well, they allow this group called Hezbollah to run crazy and shoot stuff at Israel and kidnap Israeli soldiers and stuff like that. One dude even spent $3,000 in taxi fares to get out of Lebanon. Pretty much, WWIII is a real possibility.

Bush appeared at an NAACP convention for the first time during his presidency. Of course, since the NAACP's pro-abortion, pro-homosexual "rights," pro-reparations, pro-affirmative action platform is one that represents all black people everywhere, it's a shame that Bush has never spoken to them before and would have been a catastrophe if he'd never spoken to their group throughout his entire presidency.

The Big Dig is in serious trouble. Of course, that's not a news story, really. It's just a fact. The Big Dig is a massive government project. Need I say more?

The rest of the news is pretty lame right now. Harry Reid says Iraq is a civil war (yes, that garnered a headline out of CNN); some former Navy football star (do "Navy" and "football star" belong in the same sentence?) was acquitted of a rape that I'd never even heard about, much less cared about the trial; St. Louis is apparently suffering some blackout thanks to the heat and the National Guard is being called in; someone paid a ton of money (something like $30,000) for a date with some actress named Jessica Biel who apparently plays in some TV show called "Seventh Heaven," or whatever...apparently it was for charity? I didn't get that far in the story.

That's the news. You're caught up for a while now Mom and the rest of you. Now you won't be in the dark as your 13-year-old son ponders how a date with Jessica Biel could possibly go for only $30,000.