Oprah wrong on marriage

Among other things.... I've never really cared for Oprah. It's not just the fact that I'm a guy. It's her philosophy of self-empowerment through boosting your self-esteem and recognizing that you're the greatest thing that ever happened to earth that I'm not crazy about.

There's a line in a song by Casting Crowns called "What If His People Prayed" that says, "What if the family turned to Jesus / Stopped asking Oprah what to do." I was reminded last night of why I like that line so much.

In an advertisement for a future episode of Oprah, she says, "That's why I never married." Based on the rest of the commercial, I can safely assume that the quote was in response to another woman's bad experience, though I guess I'd have to watch the show to know. But it's so sad that she's presenting marriage as something that one should be afraid of. Her philosophy is what has kept her in an unmarried relationship for 20 years.

I just wonder how many other unwedded relationships there are thanks to Oprah. How many others have bought into Oprah's philosophy that marriage is about protecting yourself, when it should be about giving of yourself and becoming one with someone else?

I'm all for taking the time to make sure you're marrying the right person, and for having a certain amount of healthy skepticism going into any relationship. Until you know someone really well, you can't just open up every single facet of your life. People can put up a facade for long enough to hurt you.

But there comes a point where one of two things happens: 1) The facade comes down and their true self is exposed. 2) You realize how much you really love that person. (I suppose a third could be added that includes, "You realize that you're just not made for each other.") If the first happens, the relationship ends. If the second happens, then it's happily ever after and there's a wedding day.

Does the facade sometimes come down after the wedding day? Yes, sadly, it does. I could go on about how you just need to be more careful and intuitive before the wedding and all of that stuff, but my single status takes away from some credibility for me on the issue.

The point is, I don't want to be afraid of marriage. I want to be able to embrace it if and when it happens for me. However, a self-empowered, self-esteemed "me" won't be able to embrace it. That "me" will be looking only for what he can get from the relationship, not what he can give. That "me" will never be able to open himself up in the relationship because of the fear and expectation of something going wrong.

That's not the "me" I want to be.

So, I echo Casting Crowns, with a slight change in the words.

"What if the [single-people-in-relationships] turned to Jesus / Stopped asking Oprah what to do?"

UPDATE: This quote from Oprah may explain a few things: "My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with."