Really, don't worry about my tongue

A lot of people (6 at the moment) seem to be concerned about me licking 200 envelopes. Or maybe they're laughing. Regardless, they found the topic worthy of their comments.

There seem to be a few misconceptions, however.

1. I did not lick any stamps. Just envelopes. I may be old enough to remember licking stamps, but I'm not dumb enough to ask for them. All I licked were envelopes.

2. I did have liquid for my tongue. It took around 120 envelopes before I finally got the liquid. And it took my boss arriving in the office to actually ask if I wanted it. But I did get liquid to help!

3. Two people called me "dude." Okay, so maybe that's not a misconception. Just a matter of perspective.

4. I did have one of those sponge things. I just opted not to find it and use it. (You can make any assumption regarding my intelligence that you want, but I still think my way was faster!)

5. I'm not a "college boy." I'm a former college boy who apparently still makes a college mistake or two. Like licking envelopes.

6. I did not read the scary email about cutting your tongue and getting parasites, but I did somehow happen to see the Seinfeld episode where George's fiance dies from poisoning brought on by licking the old, cheap envelopes for her wedding invitation. I'm pretty sure that's just as accurate as the scary email. It was just an email. It was just a sitcom. Neither are real.

7. I did not get nasty glue ingestion. That was my dinner. Or did I have ice cream that night?

8. The conversation with my dad wouldn't have happened 10 years ago. It would have happened four years ago.

If there are any rebuttals to these rebuttals, please rebut.