The best and worst of the convention

Having had a four-hour drive to think it over, here are my final thoughts.

Coolest politician: Frank Lasee. Why? 'Cause the guy is a hardcore conservative who actually means what he says and he introduced himself to me. Mostly the second part, but roughly 40% the first.

Uncoolest politician: Marcus Gumz. I don't think you can be called a politician if you haven't held elective office. But does it count if your daughter is a state assemblywoman? The guy has no teeth, is 80, and always wears a cowboy hat. You can also always count on him to run for statewide office and nominate himself. But hey, I guarantee there are more activists who know his name than mine, for what it's worth.

Worst drink: JB Van Hollen's punch. If JB's campaign rested on his punch, it would be bland and watered down. Which is pretty much the opposite of JB's personality. Still, bad punch.

Best drink: no one had root beer, so no one gets this award. (Although the coffee in the hotel room was pretty good.)

Worst food: The flat chips that looked like potato chips but were made of chocolate, or something like that, in John Gard's room. He had some great food, but I definitely could have gone without the chip things.

Best food: McCormack's crackers. Very basic. Very cheap. The crackers were still in the box, with a few laid out on the table. However, I'm a sucker for crackers. Which probably means that I'm also basic and cheap. Hmm....

Best prediction: Tommy Thompson saying that the Packers will win the Super Bowl if Green is governor. This is only the best prediction because literally 40 minutes before he said that, I thought, "The Packers went from a pitiful excuse for a football team to Super Bowl champs under Thompson. He should make the same analogy for Green and blame their failure on Doyle." He didn't go so far as to blame Doyle, but he was close.

Worst prediction: Chris thinking someone could get me to crack for a Leinie's. When you're trying to get someone to spill the beans on something that they're pretty hard-pressed to say, get to know the subject first. Or, find the one blogger who the subject has told. (I can't wait to see Chris's witch hunt start...)

Best establishment near the Paper Valley Hotel: Jimmy John's. Anyone who hasn't had one of their subs is missing out on greatness. I eat there whenever I decide I'm okay with spending $7 on a meal. Best subs on the planet!

Worst establishment near the Paper Valley Hotel: the cigar bar. I don't remember the name of it, but it was the first time I'd ever been in a cigar bar and is probably the last. It's one of the few establishments in which you can smoke in Appleton though, which is the reason my compadres went there. Because they make most of their income on cigars and not liquor, you can smoke. They have liquor, but apparently the no-smoking ban only applies to those who make the majority of their income on certain products. Stupid, big, expansive government.

Best thing about Appleton: you can park in a ramp for $1. How great is that?

Worst thing about Appleton: the parking ramp is $2 between 9 PM and 1 AM. Guess when I parked?

That's about it for my pointless observations. Most of them are fairly meaningless, and don't say much about what I actually thought about anyone or anything that was said. But hey, it was a fairly lackluster convention.

Lackluster convention = lackluster "best and worst" list.