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The pain of survival stories

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Wide White: The pain of survival stories

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The pain of survival stories

When you go through a significant loss, there's nothing more helpful than the support of friends, family, and even strangers. While some well-intended comments aren't very supportive, I try to remember that the intentions are good, and honestly, I'd rather people say something and have it be relatively unhelpful than say nothing at all out of fear of saying the wrong thing.

Something that we've heard on a recurring basis is survival stories. Just 3 days after Kaylee was born we were at a concert. One of the songs was about a couple who was told their baby girl, 6 months along at that point, may not make it to birth and even if she did, she probably wouldn't make it past a year old. She's now 10 years old and doing fine.

Other stories have involved micro-preemies who've lived or people with Turner syndrome who are fully-functioning adults. I realize these stories remind people of Kaylee and they're just passing that along. They're just letting us know that they're thinking of her.

But each time I hear one of these stories, I'm reminded of the survival that didn't happen for us. This isn't to say that stories of pain and death are comforting to us in any way. But stories of survival are tough right now, and they're that much more difficult when they're linked to Kaylee.

The loss of Kaylee is still raw. Survival stories are one more reminder of just how raw it is.

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Blogger Kara Jo declared,

I can imagine that those kinds of stories just feel like salt in a wound. It sounds like you are more gracious than I might be...I'd want to blurt out "That's not helpful!"
Know that we're thinking of Kaylee Hope often. Emily told me the other day with tears in her eyes that every time she sees the color purple, or hears the word "hope," she remembers her. (Me, too.) She has and is touching so many lives. Thanking God again today for creating her...and grieving that the time with her was so very very brief...

4/12/2011 3:56 PM  
Blogger Meg. declared,

Agreed. We've heard an onslaught of survivor stories as well. Like you said, I'm sure people mean well, but ours is not a story of a miracle. So why would that be helpful for us?
Praying for you guys.

4/13/2011 5:13 PM  

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