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The closest we'll get to hell

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Tuesday, April 05, 2011

The closest we'll get to hell

Jamie was talking to a friend at church who had read my post last week on moving on with life after Kaylee. She said to Jamie, "Maybe this is the closest we'll ever get to hell."

A month ago I was talking to a friend of mine who lost his son at 28 weeks. He has also lost his father and since I've never gone through the loss of anyone in my immediate family, I asked him which loss was harder. He simply responded, "I've never gone through anything as difficult as losing my child."

Sunday morning was good. We got to church 10 minutes early with plenty of time to drop our kids off at the nursery and find a seat. The songs were good, the message was good, the songs at the end were good. Things were good!

Then I lost it. I don't remember why or even the song we were singing. I do remember being suddenly very conscious that my daughter was not in my arms. She was born but she's not here. I broke down crying. I'm not much for crying, especially in public. It felt even more awkward given that I was sitting in the front of the church.

But you don't choose the moments this hell knocks you down. You think after your first day without crying that just maybe it'll be smooth sailing from here. Then 5 days later you run into the toughest day you've had and you can't even put your finger on why the day was tough.

Death is as close as we'll get to hell on earth. Experiencing the death of someone close to us is a small taste of that hell. I don't wish hell on my worst enemy.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Kara Jo declared,

I can only imagine the ache you must feel to have your arms empty when they should be holding a precious baby girl. It does sound like hell on earth. Jesus, please comfort hearts and soothe the deep deep hurts.

4/05/2011 11:03 AM  
Blogger watchman declared,

It seems inappropriate to interject a theology geek question. If so, I apologize.

I have never lost a child. I wonder how (if at all) this experience affects your perspective of God the Father as we approach good Friday and Easter - a story about a son who died because the Father did not wish Hell on his enemies.

I can't imagine.

My immediate impression is how awful for the Son. After reading this post, I think how awful for the Father.

I can't imagine.

4/05/2011 1:59 PM  
Blogger Joey declared,

True, I suppose it's no better for either.

I've actually considered this before in terms of Abraham and Isaac on the mountain with Abraham about to kill his son. My impression in the past is not to admire Abraham's obedience to God, but to wonder at how awful and sadistic Abraham appears. My feelings now are no more favorable of Abraham than they were. I really struggle to make sense of that Bible story.

4/05/2011 2:11 PM  
Blogger watchman declared,

I appreciate your honesty, here. Abraham always struck me as psychotic in that story. The redeeming point I get out of that story is that God saves us from the psychosis of the world around us. Abraham came from Ur of the Chaldees and the Chaldeans regularly practiced a brutal spirituality that included child sacrifice. The gods had to be appeased.

The story seems to show that the one true God was not as crazy as the gods of the Chaldeans. In a sense, God was correcting Abraham's spiritual perspective. The deities that demand such brutality and sacrifice are not true gods.

It is kind of sad that we so often here that story preached as if the moral of the story is 'worship = obedience.' Yikes.

/theology geek

4/05/2011 2:38 PM  
Anonymous Kandi declared,

My father passed away very suddenly eight and a half years ago, and, some days, things are great. However, there's often a song I hear, a picture I see, or a movie I watch that either he liked or that reminds me of him. It still hits me upside the head with the force or a freight train. I don't think we ever really get OVER or even USED losing someone; as time passes, we just let the wound heal. But the scar remains.

4/06/2011 8:24 AM  

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