"Moving on"

Jamie sent me this quote that she saw on Facebook today and it really resonated with both of us:

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."
~ Rose F. Kennedy

Yesterday was our first day in over a month with no tears. For some that probably seems too soon. Others may wonder that it took so long. There is no formula for grief.

I had a dream Friday night - well, Saturday morning to be exact - that Kaylee Hope was born, but the circumstances were much different. Details of the dream are a bit foggy. She had some issues with the skin behind her neck and head. I think she had some issues with her internal organs. The issues weren't the same as what she actually had, but they were similar enough.

What's not foggy is that she was alive. She was breathing. She was going to be okay. I was able to hold her and watch her BREATHE!!

Every night when we go to bed we check on our kids. I always check to make sure they're breathing. There isn't a night that I don't feel a sense of relief when I see them stir or hear them breathing loudly through a stuffed nose or feel their gentle breathing as I touch my hand to their back, chest, or face.

Flowers that have been sent for Kaylee are dying or have died. Her name on one of my wristbands is fading, so I had to take it off. Meals aren't coming every day anymore. As we take each step, we leave a part of the grieving process behind us.

But we still have a whole lifetime ahead of us. Moving on is not forgetting. Moving on is just what we do every day. When people say, "Move on," they're simply saying, "Make forward progress."

So we move forward, with each day bringing fewer tears. But the memories linger. The joy of her life and the pain of her death remain. And as we move on, we will always carry her with us.