The little things

It's the little things that get me lately, that bring memories and thoughts of Kaylee Hope flooding back.

Keira isn't generally very cuddly, but the other morning she saw Kaylee Hope's stuffed lamb - a gift from a friend at the hospital that has come to sort of represent Kaylee Hope in our house - and she grabbed it and snuggled it up to her. Then she kissed it on the nose and cheeks, then snuggled with it again. We were moved to tears as we thought of how that should really be her sister she's holding, not just a stuffed animal!

Yesterday I read a line in a blog post that I've seen numerous times before: "Enter the daughter. Extra X chromosome musta been working." I'd never thought twice about the "extra X chromosome" joke. But it leaped from the screen, reminding me of that X chromosome that my daughter was missing, the missing chromosome that ultimately took her life.

A coworker was wearing purple yesterday. So are at least 5-10 other people I see every day. I always wonder if it's for Kaylee Hope. I wonder when I won't wonder that.

These are small things. These are trivial things. But these are the things that remind us of the daughter we no longer have.

Memories are necessary. They remind us that she lived, that she was with us. But they bring us to tears. As they remind us of what we had, they remind us of what's gone.

I love the little things.

I hate the little things.