4 things we need

A number of people have asked us what we need right now. I can't count the number of times I've been asked, "How can we help?"

The answer to that question really isn't very simple, but I want to try to answer it as best I can. Part of what makes it difficult is while there are things we need help with now, there are just as many (if not more) things we'll need help with once Kaylee Hope is born. We don't want to tap people out and we don't want to have an ongoing, indefinite state of "we need help!" Additionally, nothing has changed in the last week except the information we have. We're still expecting a baby girl who's still alive and our family remains the same.

Having said that, we obviously recognize the change in our situation and the needs it brings and want to address those in response to all of you.

1. We need prayer, encouragement, notes of support, etc. I've heard a few people say, "I know you must be getting overwhelmed with emails and I don't want to add one more." Yes, we have many, many emails, blog comments, etc. and yes, I would love to respond to as many as possible as quickly as possible. But please know that your words of encouragement mean more to us than you could possibly know. Hopefully over the course of time we'll have the chance to adequately communicate that to you and thank you. (See Jamie's post on this for more details on how to pray for us.)

2. We need babysitters. Some friends came over Saturday evening (thanks Lopers!) and watched the kids while we headed to Caribou Coffee for 4 hours. We were amazed at how quickly that time flew by. After 6:00 the kids only need bottles and bedtime so they're pretty easy, but they still require some attention. If we're able to be free to address the many tasks we have on our plates right now, it's really helpful. (In case you're wondering, that list of tasks includes far more than simply blogging updates or trying to respond to emails, text messages, etc. We also have a number of things to get in order for when Kaylee Hope is born and we want to have those things in place sooner than later so we don't have to think about them anymore. We have doctor appointments and other appointments during the day as well, so there is some need here and there for help with that. Additionally, sometimes we need a babysitter because we're just tired. Being emotionally drained has easily translated into being physically drained and a break from being parents can be very helpful. For the last 3 days we've both hit our wall by 3:00 regardless of how much sleep we got the night before.)

3. We need food. We've had friends either bring us food (thanks Stewards!) or have us over (thanks Tillmans!) recently and it's been a huge help. Tonight we have friends (thanks Augustins!) taking us out for dinner while Jamie's sister (thanks Jess!) watches our kids. (As you can see, you may even get a shout-out here on the blog if you help, so, you know, you can frame it, print it, and be forever immortalized on Wide White.) This need will probably be more present when Kaylee Hope is actually born, but it doesn't hurt to have right now either.

4. We need money. No, I'm not asking for money and I have no idea how much we'll need. I've had suggestions to start a Kaylee Hope fund to cover expenses or even have a benefit for her but I just can't imagine expenses will be enough to warrant that. We have health insurance and a flex spending account with money we're tucking away for her birth already, so that shouldn't be an issue. What we're unsure of is what the costs will be for everything after our little girl is born. I think we'll be able to manage them but expenses can add up quickly. The prenatal care should be 100% covered by our insurance company, but of course any hiccups would present new challenges. Our Wednesday appointment cost between $6,000 and $7,000 alone. I don't foresee any issues with insurance covering that, but it's a pretty daunting number if there were problems.

I'm really just including this need because I think there's a good chance it will be a need and a list of our needs would be incomplete without money included. This is not a request for assistance in this area, simply a summary of the potential for this to be an area of need. I think I'd rather put a few thousand dollars on a credit card to cover expenses than ask others for money, but maybe that's my pride talking.

UPDATE 3/16/11: So far our expenses have been minimal. It appears that our only expenses will be for flowers and decorations for Kaylee Hope's memorial service and a few things here and there. Even the parking company waived their normal $250 fee for the parking lot at the church. The funeral home waived all of their fees for the cremation. The business that embroidered a blanket for her waived their charges. We haven't seen our bills from the doctor yet but I think the money we set aside for that will cover it. We have been very blessed so far. We plan to give any money we receive above these expenses to organizations that support parents with a fatal prenatal diagnosis.

So that about sums it up. If you're able to babysit or help with a meal here or there, we won't turn you down! It's most helpful if you can just let us know a day that works for you (or even a few days) and we'll check our calendar and let you know if another day works better. I've had people suggest using something like Care Calendar to manage meals and if it gets to be too much to manage on our own, we'll do that and let you know.

And if nothing else, please let us know that you're thinking of our little girl, praying for her, wearing purple for her, etc. It's an enormous lift to our spirits!

Thank you all for your love and support. I don't know where we'd be without all of you.