"Out of Office" replies

I got these today on a work forward and I'm really tempted to use them...

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to
you if I fail to get the position.

2. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and
heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

3. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return
from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for
the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your
message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try
sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see
who did this over and over and over...)

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

3. was my personal favorite.