If I really were a socialist...

...or a communist or some kind of dictator who didn't believe in the free market, I'd ban the use of good songs in commercials.

"I've Been Everywhere" by Johnny Cash is just a great song. I didn't know much of Johnny Cash's work until I saw "Walk the Line," but I really like some of his stuff now. The best song has to be "I've Been Everywhere."

See, I'm a geography nut. I love to travel. I love to just look at maps. It's probably somewhat abnormal to enjoy just looking at maps. Conversations can be interesting.

Friend: "What's up?"

Me: "Not much."

Friend: "What are you reading?"

Me: "Oh, I'm not reading."

Friend: "But you're holding a book."

Me: "Yeah, no, it's a map."

Friend: "???"

Regardless, this song is perfect for people like me. Who else but Johnny Cash would actually write a song where most of it was simply listing geographic locations? 92 of them, to be exact. And they include "Minnesota," "Devil's Lake," and "Fond du Lac." I didn't even know anyone outside of Wisconsin had heard of Devil's Lake or Fondy, much less written them into a hit song!

Then some stupid company went and made a commercial using the song. The company is so stupid that I don't even know who it was. You know your commercial is ineffective when someone who doesn't watch TV that much actually remembers something from your commercial, and that one thing is a song that probably has nothing to do with your company.

Yet this ineffective commercial tried to ruin a great song.

I'm still in rehab over this. I'm getting to the point where I can enjoy the song again, but the stupid commercial is still in the back of my head. I'm told that I'll need another two months of rehab before the commercial is gone and I can enjoy the song for the sake of the song.

So if I were a dictator like Fidel Castro or Kim Jung Il (both excellent dictator names, by the way...I mean, how many other people do you know with those names?), my first move would be to ban the use of any popular song in a commercial. I would have the sole discretion over what wouldn't qualify as "popular." That list may include artists such as Lindsay Lohan, 50 Cent, Eminem, and Hillary Duff. Because when you're a dictator, it doesn't matter how popular it is to everyone else. All that matters is what you think.

If I were a dictator....