Don't tell anyone!

I have lots of friends who are either pregnant or have had babies in the last year or so. Inevitably, the topic of baby names comes up.

I applaud those of you who refuse to tell anyone the names you're considering. Stay strong! No one else needs to know. Who cares if they hate the name you choose? If you wait until you have your baby, then tell everyone the name, NO ONE will ask you, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You're joking, right? That's a horrible name!" No, they'll say, "Oh, she's so cute!" Sure, they'll change the subject from the name of the baby to the baby itself, and you might get the hint that they're not nuts about the name. And when they leave, they'll whisper to one another, "Can you BELIEVE they used Delilah?!?" And you'll still love your little Delilah.

However, there are those on the other end of the spectrum. You decided on a name just as soon as you discovered the baby's gender, and now you're telling everyone who will listen the name you've chosen. "His name is going to be Donald."

Hold the phones. Never mind that you've now told everyone that you're picking a name that most people associate with a cartoon duck or an obnoxious billionaire with awful hair. You've also given them the opportunity to give you their opinion. All but your very closest friends may keep their mouths shut, but what about your family members? They WILL say something. They won't say it to you at first. Your brother will tell your brother-in-law, who will tell your sister what your brother said. Your sister will tell your mother, who agrees with your brother but doesn't want to tell you. So she'll break it to you by telling you what your brother said.

The fact is, once the birth certificate is signed and you've sent for the social security card, chances are this will NOT come up to your face! And isn't that how is should be?

When a baby name makes me gag, I have two responses, depending on if the baby has been born or not. If the baby has been born, I wait until we're alone and look at my wife in disbelief and say, "Can you believe they picked that name? There MUST be a story behind it! A great-great-great-grandma, perhaps?" And normally, there is. Or there are just eclectic tastes that I don't quite share.

However, if the baby hasn't been born, we'll wait until we're alone, look at each other in disbelief and say, "Can you believe they're TELLING people that they're using that!? Do you think we can convince them it's a bad idea?"

Be smart people. Stay cool and lay low. If you think your little white girl should be LaShaundra, go ahead and name her that. But don't open the flood gates of responses. Unless, that is, you'd like to know what I think about your use of LaShaundra...