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Wide White: Observational honesty and tact

Friday, January 15, 2010

Observational honesty and tact

With the impending birth of my first two children upon me, there are a number of things my wife and I are often told:

1. You'll be great parents!
2. You look great! (My wife, not me.)

Soon, another will surely be added to the list:

3. Your babies look beautiful!

(Notice the exclamation point at the end of each of these statements. The exclamation point is essential. Each statement's full effect would be lost without it. I mean, "it!")

I often wonder, for every positive comment I hear, how many negative comments are withheld?

How many people are really thinking:

1. They're what?!? They're going to be parents? Oh boy...
2. She looks like a beached whale! I feel so bad for her!! And wow is he putting on the sympathy weight!
3. Uff da, that is one - strike that, two ugly babies! Granted, they do carry their dad's genes, but I would have thought at least a few of their mom's genes would have kicked in by now. Poor kids...

What I'd give to hear the comments that are withheld! But I know I'm thankful - and my wife is doubly thankful - for the tact that most people have.

90% of kids are ugly when they're first born. 100% of parents screw up. Feel free to let loose with me. Besides, with twins, you can always balance out the negative comment about one with a positive (if untruthful) comment about the other!

posted by Joey at 1/15/2010 12:26:00 AM

6 Comments:

Anonymous Aunt Kari declared,

Here is my truth:

Your wife is still looking like a hottie. A hottie with a big belly. A big belly that will never be the same. Who knows what it'll look like after babies.

You, well, you are still marvelous and handsome as ever. I have no idea what your weight is like. I also don't care.

Your babies will be wonderful and their names will be special and perfect. I might not like the names. But hey, you don't like my dog.

As for being good parents. You'll do your best, that I know for sure. And that's all any parent should strive for...doing their best. And I know you and Jamie - you will give it your best. But there will be times that you are too tired, too busy, too annoyed, too everything to care to give your best. That happens. And it's hard to face but you'll get used to it. Letting your children down stinks...get used to it cuz sometimes even your best doesn't feel good enough.

Another truth: I love you both. Aunt Kari

1/17/2010 1:22 PM  
Blogger Carla declared,

I am so excited to watch your family grow! You both have had amazing families to grow up in and I can't imagine a sweeter couple as parents of TWINS!!(Has that even sunk in yet?)

There ya go.

1/18/2010 10:41 AM  
Blogger kristi noser declared,

Joey, Joey, Joey.
90% of babies are not ugly when they are born. 100% of babies are beautiful when they are born. Messy, perhaps, but beautiful.

1/18/2010 11:58 PM  
Blogger Joey declared,

Aunt Kari, thank for that post, it made my day!

Carla, no, it hasn't sunk in and probably won't until they're in my arms! And thanks for your kind words, I'm continually amazed at how positive everyone's support has been!

Kristi, I know what you mean, but I think you know what I mean too! :)

1/19/2010 1:09 AM  
Blogger Kara Jo declared,

Joey, you're a turd! I say that with utmost love and affection. I think people actually mean their positive comments to the two of you. As one who's said both of the ones you mentioned (great parents, Jamie looking good), I know I meant them. :)

Sooooo excited to watch the two of you become parents. God is on your side, and you guys are armed with lots of godly wisdom. Plus, you have a great marriage. That's a recipe for success. Not perfection, but success.

1/22/2010 11:46 AM  
Blogger Keelie declared,

thanks for the laugh!:) Corey's convinced that people don't mean what they say (the positive comments)and I'm convinced they do!:) But I'm biased, so what can I say?!:)
Your mom is one of the only moms I know who can admit that her babies aren't beautiful at birth! Well, I'm not sure I thought my babies were beautiful at birth...can't remember if I admitted it!:)

2/02/2010 8:35 PM  

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